Actually, my real mantra is "self-care is the stepping stones to self-love", but I know that ‘self-love’ creates huge resistance for some of us.
Truth be told, I consider myself a self-love coach, but it has certain connotations. Hence, I stick to calling myself a bariatric coach!
The correlation between those of us who end up living in a bigger body and our lack of self-care is staggering. We prioritise the needs of others, often putting our own needs at the bottom of our ever-growing to-do list, so we never quite get around to filling our own cup.
I’m going to be straight with you: no one is coming to save you!
It is your responsibility to fill your cup.
If our cup gets empty, it will crack, and then it simply doesn’t function as a cup.
What is True Self-Care?
When we think of self-care, we often picture hair & nail appointments, pamper sessions, or soaking in a bubble bath. (The emoji that pops up on my phone when I type ‘self-care’ is of a woman combing her hair—interesting!)
These things are great, but true self-care is so much more.
I consider self-care to be doing (or not doing) whatever it takes to ensure my well-being—mentally, emotionally, physically, and socially. It is filling my cup … or topping up my battery. Think of the things you need to feel rested and rejuvenated so you can be energized and show up as the best version of yourself. It’s the practices, people, and places that make us feel connected, whole, and fulfilled—things that touch our souls.
My intention is to practice self-care daily to keep my cup topped up. I usually organise my self-care by the time it takes. Some things are quick and take moments; others need a few minutes. Then there are the ones that need hours—and they definitely need to be scheduled.
There is no right or wrong self-care. Like everything on our journey, it's a personal job to figure out what’s best for you - not only what works for you but what is workable for you.
Eating: Nourishing your body
As much as I say “it’s not about the food”, what you choose to eat does matter. Our diet directly impacts our mental health and well-being.
We all know what a ‘sugar crash’ and a ‘carb coma’ feel like. Eating processed, high-sugar, high-fat foods messes up our gut microbes, which not only gives us cramps, gas, bloating, diarrhoea, or constipation but also decreases the production of our happy hormones. So it’s actually self-sabotaging.
I have yet to meet a bariatric patient who doesn’t know which foods are calorie-dense with practically no nutritional benefit and don’t serve them. Staying away from these foods is self-care. We love our kids enough to limit their intake - please consider loving yourself enough to eat a diet of healthy, nourishing foods.
Sleep: The Foundation of Well-Being
Setting yourself up with good sleep hygiene habits is self-care. Not getting enough sleep affects so much, from our immune system to our mood and cognitive ability. If we stand a chance of making good choices when triggered, we need our sleep.
Insomnia has been a major issue in my life. At times, it has been utterly debilitating, and there is nothing I haven’t tried. I find that having a slow, gentle wind-down routine each night, ensuring I go to bed at the same time every night (9:30 PM), plus taking magnesium and slow-release melatonin work best for me.
Are you getting enough good-quality sleep?
Intentional Movement
Exercise is one of the best things we can do -not just for our physical health but also for our mental and emotional well-being.
I walk because I know it helps with depression. I do yoga because it connects my mind, body, and soul.
Being active was a reason for Weight Loss Surgery for many of us. Having a body that can do things isn’t something I take for granted.
The benefits of movement include:
Maintaining weight
Increasing muscle mass
Long-term flexibility and agility
Managing stress
Improving sleep and mood
It’s definitely a form of self-care!
Me Time: The Art of Just Being
Lots of people consider their walk or meal prep as me time, which it is -but I’d love you to find time on a regular basis to just BE. To sit, relax, get quiet & calm, and get comfortable with not doing.
We are human beings, not human doings.
I understand how busy life is, so I suggest making time for ‘Me Time’. I wake up early to gift myself time before the day kicks off.
I also take time at the end of each day to wind down and reflect. I call this my bookends, and I love what it’s done for me - I won’t sacrifice it ever!
It started as just a couple of minutes but is now at least half an hour at each end of the day -more if I can manage it.
In my precious ‘Me Time,’ I journal, meditate, practice gratitude, and often have a bath (my ultimate happy place). Sometimes, it morphs into planning, reading, or organizing - anything that helps me feel like my ducks are in a row so I can relax.
Throughout the day, I take mindful moments to stop, breathe, and just be. This helps me be present and gives me a sense of fulfillment that I never experienced as a ‘rushing woman.’
Hobbies: A Forgotten Joy
So many people I work with don’t allow themselves to ‘indulge’ in hobbies. Please know it’s not indulgent - it’s essential for happy hormone production. It really is self-care.
Let go of the ‘should do’ and find some ‘fun to do’ things that truly light you up. I actively experiment with new things. This year, I’m embarking on a crochet course and dabbling with watercolour painting. I taught myself how to knit a couple of years ago, and I’m an avid crafter.
Consider what you enjoyed as a child if you’re stuck on where to start. We are all different, so think outside the box—music, sports, games, puzzles, or anything creative works. Find your thing - you are worth the effort!
Relationships: Building Your Tribe
Building strong, positive relationships is proven to lower stress and improve rates of anxiety and depression.
Cutting toxic relationships has as much of an impact on your life as forming new relationships. If you need to elicit firm, clear boundaries, that is also a form of self-care.
Surrounding ourselves with a tribe who get it is one of the biggest benefits of Mind Empowerment.
Each of us needs a slightly different mix of social interaction. Depending on where you are on the extrovert-introvert spectrum, people either drain you or give you energy. Getting that balance right is self-care.
Self-Compassion: The Ultimate Act of Self-Care
I have yet to meet a bariatric client who is truly self-compassionate. We tend to be very self-critical and have unrealistic expectations of ourselves.
Being kind to ourselves - especially when we screw up - is essential for long-term success. Try being your own best friend. Speak to yourself like you would to someone you love. It is a very important act of self-care.
We need a full cup to be the best version of ourselves. How you fill your cup is unique to you. Filling your cup is your responsibility.
You need to fill your cup to overflowing, because…
You serve from your saucer—your cup is for you!
Join me for a free webinar!
So, I’ll leave you here with a warm invitation to my 8 Fundamentals FREE webinar where I share my daily to do list and how I actually manage my bariatric journey day by day.
It’s in an ‘hour of power’ where I squeeze a lot of valuable information for you into the 60 minutes on Zoom - totally for free.
About Sonia McIndoe
Hi! I'm Sonia, a NZ Bariatric Life Coach, who has had weight loss surgery and maintained a 70kg weight loss over more than nine years. I walk the walk and have dealt with my own regain by continuing to use and hone my own fundamentals and strategies which I share with you.
Find out more about me here.
Like you, I struggled with my weight...
I actually struggled with it my entire life. At 5 years of age my ballet teacher told me “I danced like a baby elephant”. I yo-yo dieted my way to a body I loathed and had given up on. Food was my friend - but it was a love/hate relationship. In many ways it saved me, but it was also slowly killing me.
I wasn’t convinced even Weight Loss Surgery would work for me … why would it when nothing else had!
10 years post Weight Loss Surgery later and still several dress sizes smaller, I am the happiest I have ever been.
You can have the success you dream of too. I am so passionate about sharing how, that I work full time as a Bariatric Coach.
I credit my Weight Loss Surgery with my 70kg weight loss, but keeping it off, I credit to doing the mind work. It’s this mind work that I teach in my Mind Empowerment coaching programmes.
The Mind Empowerment Programme
Sonia McIndoe's coaching programme is called Mind Empowerment and starts with a free one hour webinar, "The 8 Fundamentals for Bariatric Success".
The next stage is group coaching via Zoom, "Mind Empowerment" followed by "Lose Your Regain - Stay on Track".
One on one individual coaching is also available. Sonia coaches live via Zoom, so you can be anywhere in New Zealand and access help from her as your weightloss coach.
Find out more at www.mindempowerment.co.nz